You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
