she smelled like a LAN party
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
