guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
