This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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