HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
