He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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