i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
