I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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