Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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