I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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