I hate your face
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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