You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
