Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
