I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
