i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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