I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
