Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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