NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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