I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
