gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
