Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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