you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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