remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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