I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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