Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
