a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
