A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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