You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
