my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I enjoy the company of your penis
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