We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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