pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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