I am spending my child support on dildos
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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