That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
