so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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