I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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