Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
