R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
