You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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