So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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