I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
