I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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