I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
