Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
