Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
