apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
