Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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