The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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