idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
