the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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