she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
